Yet another tale about Sammy the Slug, favourite hero in many hobbit children stories! At least the ones I remember. So, it might be a little less wholesome than yer regular goodnight tale for the little ones…
Sammy the Slug and the Jolly Jokes
Once upon a time, Sammy the Slug woke up and decided he would spread lots of joy to his friends.
“I will visit them all and tell them grand jokes. They will laugh all day, until they stop by here afterwards and give me lots of neeps.” So he wriggled off merrily, already celebrating the fun that was to come.
First, he came across Kitty the Cat, who was playing with a ball of yarn.
“Kitty, why are cats afraid of trees?” Sammy said.
“I don’t know”, said Kitty the Cat.
“Because of their bark!”
Sammy slapped his sluggy thighs and let out a loud laugh. Kitty did not. She just stared at Sammy, until Sammy felt awful warm and slinked away, grumbling for himself. “I suppose cats don’t have a sense of humour. At least not smelly old sourpusses named Kitty”.
A good wriggle down the road later, he came across Diggy the Dog, who was digging after a bone he had buried earlier.
“Diggy, why are dogs such good storytellers?”, Sammy said.
“I don’t know”, said Diggy the Dog.
“Because you know how to paws for effect!”
Sammy slapped his sluggy thighs again and chortled out a loud laugh. Diggy did not. He just chased Sammy down the road, barking loudly. “I suppose dogs don’t have a sense of humour either”, Sammy grumbled. “At least not mangy old mutts named Diggy”.
He visited Pippa the Pig and Henry the Horse too, but the result was the same. His funny jokes went down like a sack of stones in the river. He slithered away from both as fast as he could, so the sack wouldn’t contain slugs too.
He even visited Monty the Mean Mill Snake.
“Monty, what do snakes do after they fight?” Sammy said, looking nervous.
“I’ll sssoon let you know, if you come here with that rotten old joke about us “hissing and making up””, Monty hissed.
Sammy wriggled away as quick as a slug flash. It took him only five minutes to be at a safe distance from Monty’s fangs, which is very fast for slugs.
Slithering onwards, he despaired. “Dear me, it is like my friends are the grumpiest lot around. Why don’t they laugh at my funny jokes?”
Dejected, he visited Fred the Farmer.
“Oy there, Sammy”, Fred said”, now that’s the longest slug face I have seen since last you visited”.
“I don’t know what is wrong with my friends”, Sammy slug-sighed.
“They don’t laugh at my jokes.”
“Yer telling jokes today?” Fred said. “I have a great one for slugs.”
Sammy waited for Fred to tell the joke.
“I feel so guilty”, Fred said. “I stepped on a slug this morning.”
“Yer should have seen him, Sammy, he looked genuinely crushed!”
Fred slapped his thighs and guffawed a loud laugh. Sammy did not. In fact, things got so frosty that Fred promised to stop by Sammy’s home with lots of neeps later. And he’d better watch where he placed his clumsy feet too, or Sammy would gather an army of slug friends to eat all of Fred’s crops.
“I guess I have learned something today”, Sammy said when he munched on a neep later.
“A good laugh heals a lot of hurts, but no laughs sure bring a lot of neeps”.
And so ends the story of the only time Sammy the Slug tried to tell jokes to his friends.