Miss Almi teaches us to catch coneys. Bounce them right into a baked pie crust!
The Green Dragon Friday lecture series continues, this time with a talk about coneys and how to hunt them! Miss Almi held this one Friday May 4 2017.
Please let me know if you’d like to sign up for a lecture yourself! Green Dragon Friday is a hobbit roleplaying event held on the LOTRO Laurelin server, every Friday between 2:30PM – 4:30PM servertime. Format-wise, GDF lectures should last no more than 10-15 minutes when delivered by in-game text messages in /say chat. This means that the lectures are rarely exhaustive treatments, but rather quick talks to whet the audience’s appetite to topics of hobbit interest.
Miss Almi introduces herself
My name’s Almi. Yer might know me as Miss Pycella’s former nanny and present pie baker. But before I became a nanny and a cook, I was a hunter. A hunter of pie ingredients.
The bunny characteristics
I’ve heard that lots of folkses are looking around for coneys these days, to cook a stew or somet. So, I thought I might give yer a lecture on coneys and how to catch ‘em. In case you have only seen coneys as food, I brought a live example here. Come forward, Peter.
(Miss Almi whistles and a small rabbit comes forward from under a chair and sits on the rug. Miss Almi continues.)
So, here’s a coney for you to look at. If yer can’t see it, ye have already failed this lecture. Now tell me, what are the main characteristics of a coney?
(People start to name characteristics: they are good in stews, they go to inns, and so on. Miss Almi continues.)
They two long ears, them’s fluffy. The tail is called a scut, or somet. I learnt that word from a crossword puzzle. And they are dang cute, those little rascals. Makes me want to stop this lecture right here… Maybe you go out for a while, Peter? Go and have some fun at the Bird and Baby, yer friend is waitin’ there.
(Almi waves bye to Peter who hops quickly out of the Dragon.)
Okies, so now yer know what a coney looks like before it becomes a pie.
Now, to the hunting part! Coneys can be found in various places: forests, meadows, deserts and in vegetable gardens. But they are very timid, so it ain’t easy to catch a rabbit. So you gotta be clever.
First, yer can set traps in places where rabbits go. There are traps made from lines and cages, but I dislike ‘em meself… It’s a silly way to hunt, if yer ask me. Yer would have to check ‘em traps very often, and even in that case… They might catch somet yer don’t want to catch. After I caught an angry neighbour in mine, I stopped usin’ traps. So no traps please.
Second: yer could use a hound. Them are good runners and handy when hunting coneys. I got one, but sadly, it was no good. It just run around in the forest and ate its own poo.
(Almi sings a short song.)
Even though it was a hound dog
It got me cryin’ all the time
It never caught a rabbit
And he ain’t no friend of mine
Ba dum tsss!
Okies, back ter business. If they cannot catch the rabbit, yer can have them chase the rabbit to yer. When the dog sees the rabbit at first and starts chasing, stay at the spot where it was lying. The rabbit never goes far from the place it was nappin’, and it usually returns to that starting point. Be there, and have yer bow ready.
Personally, I like ter track the coneys, following their pawprints. When yer get near and see the coney, it probably can hear yer too. But, if yer whistle to it with a low voice, it might get curious and stay there. Then yer might get that little feller eventually.
Some last words
Huntin’ might sound all romantic and exciting, and it sometimes is that! But most of the time, I just end up sitting in the woods for hours, in the rain, butt and legs gettin’ numb. So it ain’t that easy to catch a rabbit. And at this time of the year, it is forbidden to hunt coneys. Yer have to let them have some… er… rabbit fun together. Otherwise we might not have any coneys ter hunt, so leave ‘em alone fer now. But there’s one place where you get them quite easy: from a vendor!
Now, there’s only one way to eat a brace of coneys. All yer need is a few good taters. Three’s a good number. Yer can buy ‘em from Potty. Boil ‘em, smash ‘em, stick ‘em into stew.
Oh, and I almost forgot… If yer huntin’ coneys, there is one coney out there yer should watch out: The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog, or the Killer Bunny. It is usually guarding a cave of the Legendary Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh, named for the last utterance of anyone who ever saw it. The Killer Rabbit is a terrible monster with nasty, big, pointy teeth. It might look innocuous, that white and fluffy little feller… But if you go too near, you’ll get decapitated immediately. So beware the Killer Rabbit.
That’s all for tonight’s lecture. Thanks fer yer time!