Master Bonkadoc’s lecture on turnips! Read and learn!
Green Dragon Friday lecture series continues, this time with a talk about turnips! Master Bonkadoc held this one Friday February 17 2017. It is included here with emote texts, given that they formed an integral part of the lecture.
Please let me know if you’d like to sign up for a lecture yourself! Green Dragon Friday is a hobbit roleplaying event held on the LOTRO Laurelin server, every Friday between 3PM – 5PM servertime. Format-wise, GDF lectures should last no more than 10-15 minutes when delivered by in-game text messages in /say chat. This means that the lectures are rarely exhaustive treatments, but rather quick talks to whet the audience’s appetite to topics of hobbit interest.
After the introduction, Bonkadoc walked onto the rug and lay down a lumpy sack by his feet. “So, I am Bonkadoc and I am the assistant lecturer tonight. My lecture is ‘Concerning Turnips’.” He took a deep breath, then patted his pockets. “Oh, my notes. Just a second.”
Bonkadoc opened his sack and withdrew some differently sized paper notes. He shook them a little to remove some dirt. “I am Bonkadoc and I am the assistant lecturer tonight. My lecture is ‘Concerning Turnips’. I have a farm.”
He paused and looked at his notes in confusion. “Hmm, I said that already. Did I? And also that one.” He discarded a couple of notes. “And that one.” He threw another note away.
After a quick glance up at the audience, he started reading again, looking down at his notes. “In conclusion, we can move on to the test. I hope you have made notes during the lecture?” He looked at the audience. “First question.. Oh I may have these in wrong order. Please bear with me.”
Looking nervous now, the audience could see Bonkadoc’s hands shaking as he tried to sort his notes. Flushed with slight embarrassment, he continued in a squeaky voice.
“Turnips are very closely related to broccoli, cabbage, mustard, and kale. I studied a little bit of the history of turnips and it came to me that much knowledge of turnip cultivation has been lost. Over the centuries different types of turnips were developed in the Shire, including ones with long carrot-like shapes, and skins that are almost pure white! And some with delightful purple or red shoulders. Their flesh could be white, yellow, golden, or red-veined, and bitter as radishes or smooth and creamy almost like apples!”
Getting into his stride, Bonkadoc looked more relaxed.
“My theory is they might have easily developed turnips which might be very much like fruits, as apples are. There are references to it, referring to turnips being fruits of the earth. It would mean they are like apples!”
Looking quite excited, he continued: “It is just that they happen to be underground. That is no reason to say them being different than apples. No reason at all, me thinks. Well, they are not as pretty, or sweet as apples. But they are pretty solid. I think, they are better than apples, but that could be just me.” He glanced at the audience hopefully.
“But moving forward now. I am an eager developer of different varieties myself, in my quest to perfect the turnip juice. I will now present some of my self-developed varieties. I hope it gives you a glimpse into the wonderful world of turnips and turnipping.”
“First off, The Golden Apple, a fast producing yellowish root that is the sweetest of all! Then I have the Longing Whisper, which is a standard spicy white globe with purple shoulders. Wistful Night is a sweet, yellow fleshed turnip variety.
“Next I can introduce the Forbidden Fruit. It has a vigorous, high-yielding top growth. This has the best leaves for eating. Tender Intentions is a hybrid with bright red skin and smooth white flesh. Lastly the Midnight Passion is a fast one, giving heavy yields of greens in just over a month! Oh, and almost forgot, The Plain Turnip.”
“And.. hm, what was next. There is pest control of course, and proper nutrition of turnips, and sleep cycles, and storaging.” Bonkadoc beamed proudly, then shuffled his notes. “Oh but look at the time. I think we should move on to the test now, unless you have any questions? I have developed a two-part test for you. There are 2 questions, and you can answer as soon as you are ready. There is just a few moments of thinking time for each, so be on your toes!”
“And, here comes the first test! I have here a bag of raw turnips, they are the same variety. Please come forward and take one. Everyone got their turnip?”
“Now you need to find out which variety of turnip you are holding! Feel free to really bite into it to get a good taste. Also appreciate the colouring.”
“For the second test, here is the question: What is the closest relative to the turnip, of the ever fascinating plant world?” (answer: Apple)
“I hope you learned a thing or two of this little underground wonder. Oh, and I gave Barmy some turnip juice made from this exact variety! It will be very exciting for you to taste the final product and you can even compare your notes of this lecture over some turnip juice!”